I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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