fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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