WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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