so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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