yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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