So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This baby is an asshole
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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