New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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