it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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