i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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