I wannas sexs uuuuu
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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