Got a toothbrush?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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