i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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