I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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