my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize