Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize