eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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