I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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