How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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