you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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