I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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