she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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