theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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