Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize