So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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