So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize