Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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