god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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