Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize