WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's the barista slut.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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