ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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