god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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