cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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