Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize