He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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