pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want her autograph on my taint
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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