My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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