why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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