I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
worst night to have a conscience
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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