Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize