sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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