i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize