Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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