i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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