You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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