This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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