after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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