Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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