do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize