I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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