First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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