we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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